Ted Allen's Remarks on Al's Life (Sept. 12, 2008)

Good morning everyone. I am Ted Allen, Jeff’s eldest son and the third of Al’s eleven grandchildren.

When my sisters and I were very young my grandfather asked us to call him by his first name. Over the years my friends wondered who was this friend of mine that I was always talking about, but they never saw. I had to explain to them that he was my grandfather.

But in fact he was as much a friend as a grandfather. So I will continue to refer to him in my remarks simply as Al.

I think we all desire, to a greater or lesser extent, the attention and interest of other people. In Al’s case, I think it was a greater extent. I don’t mean that Al needed to be a big shot, just that it seemed to me that he loved knowing that people were thinking about him. And I’m sure that as he looks down upon this gathering of friends and family, he must surely be having fun listening in on the conversations and remembrances we are all sharing.

Al had a wide array of methods for getting people to pay attention to him, and a lot of fun in the process. Sometimes Al’s way of getting attention was through his pranks, which are too numerous to recount here, but mostly he got other people’s attention by taking a genuine interest in them and trying to help them in any way he could.

Even if the attention was sometimes intense, for Al’s eleven grandchildren, this attention was a blessing. Especially for those of us with strong memories of our adolescence with our grandmother Roie, his presence and interest in our welfare, though very different in style than hers, helped give our lives a through-line for which I am personally grateful.

So I hope we gave him enough attention in return to let him know how much we loved and enjoyed him. But just so we’re clear: thank you, Al!

One thing that has become even clearer to me as our family has begun putting his life in perspective is that Al’s story is a great one. I encourage you to take a moment to look at the blog we have created in tribute to him. From the thoughtful words his family and friends have contributed, to the beautiful pictures of his long life, you get the sense of someone who’s story was full, dramatic and, yes, romantic.

And Al did make an effort to tell that story. He wrote an autobiography that, fortunately or unfortunately – depending on your view – did not find a publisher. But really, Al’s life was so rich and so full of distinct phases and unique characters that it could have been better told as a novel (although some of us who have read it believe that parts of it were already fictionalized).

Which got me thinking in the past few days: if we were to write a novel of his life, what style would we write it in? You could try a Russian 19th century style, with a main character full of virtue but also many flaws, and a family tree so large that telling the story would take 1,000 pages. Or you could use an existentialist approach, with a philosophical main character searching for answers. No… that wouldn’t do.

Personally, I would pick the picaresque tradition, with Al as an engaging and prankish hero who overcomes the challenges he faces not just but good fortune but by his intellect and keen wits. Telling the story of his long years, you would weave in the many humorous episodes that he created and lived, and in the process you would see a wonderful story of the world he grew up in and took such great interest in.

And for such a book, what would be the perfect ending? I think it would have to be some occurrence or event in which the main character came to comprehend the depth of the gifts he had given to others through his own existence.

In truth, I think that is exactly what might have happened for Al in the last few months of his life. Maybe his kids or even Al viewed it differently, but from where I stood something subtle and beautiful was happening that, in my heart, I am sure must have given Al great pleasure.

My dad has already commented on the dignity, good humor and tranquility Al displayed to the very end. And it stuck me as quintessentially Al that, in one of our last phone conversations, he told me, “you know, Ted, this is a very interesting stage of my life.” He accepted the process and everyone, especially his children, marveled at it.

My father, my aunts and uncles constantly commented on how proud of him during those tough days. But what did Al observe?

He must have seen how faithful, attentive and gentle his children were with him, throughout his life of course, but especially near the end. For my part, I have never been prouder of my father than watching him care for Al, as well as all my aunts and uncles.

I think that if you ever want to evaluate the impact and influence you have had on others, it is always on display in the way people treat you in return. And from what Al must have observed, I believe he could not but have taken great satisfaction and comfort in the knowledge that through his example had helped shape the character and values of his very loving and loyal children.

To me that truly is the perfect ending to Al’s extraordinary story. I want to thank my father and my aunts and uncles for giving it to him.