Lala on Al as a Father

(Lala, Reed, Susan, Roie, Al--I am pretty sure this is at one of my first lacrosse games at Tabor Academy, about 1988!)

You would think that we would learn, but men just don’t seem to. Time after time in every generation we repeat our father’s mistake. Being a Dad is arguably the most important thing that a man may do, but there is no preparation. Harvard should shut down it’s business school (look what that has brought us!- sorry Mike ) and start a School of Parenting.

You would think that I would have learned from my own upbringing, and my involvement (joyous!) in Jeff’s first clutch of kids, but I didn’t. It is so much easier being an Uncle! Men are not prepared for true love, that moment when the little hand grasps his smallest finger. Women, at least in my happy experience, are prepared.

Responsibility! That is a father’s task; to provide and prepare the children for the world that exists beyond the Mother’s arms. Somehow, life must be distilled into a lesson, a lesson which has no end and an “A” not in the cards. Dad did this, Jeff did, I do, especially to our sons whom we love so much- and often sorely test that love - in an attempt to make them all the better. No doubt this is why Bo has taken up with Zen, which, as I understand it, allows that we are all perfect in ourselves.

I remember at one period in my life when I was still into dinosaurs and science and not physically active enough that he gave me a book, “Push Yourself” which urged young men to take up the pugilistic sport. Not for me! But he kept on trying and brought me to love tennis and all racquet sports.

Dad was not content to improve his own children, but really hit his stride with his grandchildren who were urged on by the force of his personality and by well - timed capitalistic bribes! His effort to bring the grandchildren to political awareness was remarkable for a man his age, as was his embracement of the new technologies that so shape our society. By seeking to improve those about him, he so improved himself! He was growing in wisdom throughout his later years, and approached his death in a manner of which I can only characterize as in a state of grace.

Throughout his life Dad’s love was often masked in his generosity and in a self assured conviction that he was the center of the family (He is, but Mom is the lodestone). He often saw in himself the font of all success and happiness, while sometimes neglecting that we all need to feel that we have done something worthwhile on our own.

In his conviction that he could so guide and help his progeny there is a certain naivete, a certain self-centerness but also a nobility that is thrust on a man when he becomes a father. He thought he could make us all better, and he did. I am proud of him.

Thanks Dad.
Lala